I would categorize today as “Melancholy Monday,” what do yall think? Partially, I blame it on the weather but deep down I know it’s just an emotion connected to my personality. So, sensing my down mood, I decided to switch on the air pods and listen to some nostalgic sounding music. Hence my blog title: Emily

Emily is a song that I stumbled across when browsing on iTunes. I desired to find some music that kind of made me go back in time, something dark and twisty with lots of conflicting feelings. Don’t lie to yourself, everyone does this, no matter what genre of music you’re into. That’s like saying you’ve never stared out the window as a kid and imagined you were in the music video. LOL we have all done it. Especially when it was raining.

But really, I am not ashamed to say that I use music to take me back to specific moments in my life or relive memories with certain people or events. This song in particular, does that for me, so I felt like sharing it.

The two artists of the song, Jeremy and Chelsea, they both express this beautiful conflict between people in a complicated relationship. I do not believe Emily to be a specific person, rather a name that fits anyone who has dated someone with a tight hold upon their heart. A grip that you could never loosen or rid yourself of, no matter how wrong/right it felt. In the song, there is a love that is portrayed to be extremely overwhelming, to the point of complete pain and sacrifice. The couple here, has seen a lot together, those terrible moments of arguing behind closed doors, holding ones tongue amidst a fight, or worse, saying “it wont happen again,” yet it happens again. But the catch is, both individuals can’t stay away from each other. No matter what they do to cause havoc on their relationship, they always come back to the same pattern, due to the amount of love they have for that person. Some people would argue and say, this is a representation of a toxic connection, though I think many relationships have many faces, and this song can literally fix itself over multiple examples of complex commitments.

Love is extremely fickle. It is also one of my favorite things to write about. The amount of layers that fold under itself is an obsession of mine, I must admit. This song hurts. It really does. The sadness in their voices gets me every time, just how tired they sound of this round and round, up and down relationship that obviously crushes their souls, all for the count of their unstoppable love for each other. It is devastatingly beautiful. Even if you have never experienced a relationship like such, the amount of loathing for the others commitment is SO evident. Breaks my heart. I think that the song has a wide range of age variation also. This song could apply to young teenagers or adults who have seen the heavier side of a relationship after its honeymoon stage. The differences that creep in on the relationship are recognized and the terrible question of “are we compatible,” mixes into the conversation. The fear you felt when you considered losing that person, due to differences, caused you to want to change everything. Though, in order to change everything, you would have to lose everything. Heart-wrenching, I say.

So, my mood and name today is totally Emily.

I am Emily. Emily is me.

Emily is you.

Take a listen and let me know what you think:

It’s a Tuesday, and I’m cold. The rain is making me depressed, I desire to spill my guts into paper, and my mind is prohibiting me from doing so; stupid mental blocks. I had a wonderful blog story for you all, but decided to postpone that until I am ready to write about Paris & Helen. Their love story hurts my heart, and I’d rather focus on something else outside of the Greek world. So, Water for Elephants anyone? Strange title, I know.

But, there is a reason I chose it.

I connect to soundtracks. When I say connect, I mean full-heartedly, unequivocally, place my emotions into every note, every drum, and every key. Why? Honestly, I cant tell you. I guess its the Piscean in me, but I love listening to soundtracks that are completely instrumental, depending on my mood. And today, it’s Water For Elephants

Water for Elephants was created by none other than Sara Gruen, who published this solo book in 2006. Her novel hit Hollywood in 2011 and was crafted into one of my favorite movies, starring Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon, and Christoph Waltz. If you’ve never seen it, or read it, I highly recommend you give it a go, especially if you enjoy reminiscent, somber, love stories.

Which brings me to how I am feeling today. A little lost… filled with dreams and memories. A blank space. A breath in the void. A blink. A piece out of the puzzle. And yet, I see a light that shines on those moments of singularity. It’s dim at times, but it’s there, in the back of my mind, glistening subtle rays upon my anxiety-riddled heart. I think I would categorize the light as hope. A hope for an outcome. A hope for happy endings. A hope for self satisfaction… and love. I think everyone in their life has experienced an emotion such as the one I am trying to pinpoint. When is the last time you sat alone somewhere and just listened to a song with no words? Eyes closed? Or maybe taking in a landscape? When is the last time you reflected on your age and where you are RIGHT now in life? Are you happy with it?

The story of Jacob in Water For Elephants is compelling to me because he is alone in the end, trying to come back to his roots. Which is how we all tend to feel sometimes, even when we are surrounded by friends & family; you’re completely alone. Though, through it all, you love yourself. You love life. You love others. You do. You did. You grow. And you have no regrets. Or do you?

I think that’s a big question to consider. Is there something you would change? Do over?… I get stuck on this question quite a bit. Music like this, from the soundtrack, really helps me think and tap into my tucked away emotions. Maybe even emotions, I do not necessarily want to feel. It’s also a way to propel my writing for my own novel, short stories, poetry, and even just random thoughts. Music is such a powerful tool, that I will forever be so grateful for. Without it… I believe that we would ignore much of our deeper selves. We would forget more moments. We would create more disconnect between the mind and the heart. And we would lose an outlet to relieve ourselves of pain, sadness, happiness, and fear.

Music causes reflection. Honestly, this post might not even make sense to you, but to me it does, since I am listening to the soundtrack right now and letting my fingers fly on the keyboard. It’s my reflection for the day. I suppose the main thing I wanted to share besides the music, my feelings, the story, or any of that, is:

“Why the hell shouldn’t I run away with the circus?”
― Sara Gruen

Check out my 2 favorite songs from the soundtrack: Gives me the chills every time…

Water For Elephants Soundtrack-04-Jacob Sees Marlena-James Newton Howard – YouTube

Water For Elephants Soundtrack-07-Rosie-James Newton Howard – YouTube

Then, let me know if you take the time to listen, read, or watch the movie. I promise… you wont be disappointed ❤